Friday, June 13, 2008

going in reverse

i know it's a little late, and you already know that i'm home from my trip.

so i think i'm just going to post the pictures and leave it at that.

home and away

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

presidential politics

the republic is dead and it doesn't matter who the next emperor is.

secession! rebellion! anarchy!

overpay all your bills by a few cents every month. hack into email and phone accounts and delete all messages on one particular topic, but leave the rest. hit the road and leave no forwarding address. send bulk mail to people who don't exist. sign all your public officials up for free samples and trial subscriptions. organize large protest marches over things that don't matter, or don't make sense. hand out flyers about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. apply for permits that you never use. go to government offices and stand in line for a few hours, but only if you have no business to conduct. lie down in crosswalks. find areas that have no ordinances regarding public nudity and walk around naked on main street. if you smoke, stand on a busy intersection and smoke legal and harmless herbs. pretend it's pot. sell little bags of powdered sugar and oregano. insist loudly that it's ONLY powdered sugar and oregano. reverse shoplift: take merchandise you own and sneak it INTO stores. buy an armload of flowers and try to give them to people on a busy street. do not accept payment. buy traffic cones and distribute them randomly on busy streets during rush hour. stand at an intersection wearing raggedy clothes and try to shove five dollar bills INTO people's cars. organize a marching band and have an impromptu parade. order elaborate cocktails that don't exist. when the hostess seats you in the restaurant, insist on including your invisible friend in your party. campaign for public offices that either don't exist, or else aren't filled by election. commit reverse vandalism: sneak out under cover of darkness and fix something. start a nationwide campaign for splenectomies in all household pets. mark choice parking places as being reserved for the "morally handicapped", or for "people with herpes". take those magnetic ribbons on people's cars and rearrange them. correct the punctuation on commercial signs. start a petition drive to save a landmark that isn't in danger. list yourself in the phone book under a fictitious name. purchase billboard space and have it say something nonsensical in an obscure language. make reservations in other people's names, and then don't keep them. attempt to bribe the bagger at the supermarket. go to a burger joint and ask why they can't just open a can of soup for you. turn your cell phone off, but pretend to talk into it anyway. if it gets confiscated, continue to talk into your hand as if nothing had happened. invite a large group of people over to someone else's house for a party. go to city council meetings and cry loudly. stand at bus stops. don't get on any busses. hire an ASL interpreter to follow you around all day. go everywhere your state legislator goes; strew rose petals in his path. claim to have committed crimes that predate your birth. have large appliances delivered to the lobby of a public building. tell the police you'll show them where all the bodies are hidden. take them to a cemetery. go to a public place with a bullhorn and announce with alarm that you have discovered the air in this area is nearly 80% nitrogen and advise everyone to leave.

gum up the works.



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