a little while ago i posted a good morning song for one of my little online friends in our slack channel. ze said it was like having a personal good morning, which is sweet. so i have gotten in the habit of uploading a new song from my catalog every day for the morning music.
it's a nice little ritual, and also it's a way for me to look at the body of my work, which i am only just reclaiming.
the one from yesterday is one i'm a little excited to see again. it was the first thing i wrote for my new teacher when i came to study at college. he told me to go away and come back next week with something written for clarinet trio, so i wrote this, a series of short pieces in some different styles.
well, i was almost finished editing some video i wanted to show you.
i say "almost", because i got to the end of the project and decided that i wanted to re-shoot all the footage and make it nicer. plus for some reason with all the footage i shot, i was missing an important part, so i was actually just getting ready to scrap the project but then for some reason i decided to go into my files to get a song that i wrote years ago because i want to rework it a little for new purposes and that's when my desktop machine died.
good news: i had good backups, mostly.
and it's not a surprise: for the last week there have been behavioral indications that made me think "is my computer dying?"
what i haven't really told you here is that i lost faith. that may be strange because when i GOT faith, i was not shy to tell you.
it wasn't so much that i lost faith, but given the way i had been thrown out of my church combined with the increasing stress of maintaining all those cognitive dissonances, i walked away from it.
i feel better now, but i also kind of miss it because parts of it were very appealing.
i wrote a lot of church music, though, and even though i feel a vague embarrassment about it now, some of it is still pretty decent work.
the other thing that happened to me is that at about the time i was getting thrown out of my church, i lost my musical voice. my heart was broken and i had devoted the whole of my art to the church and all of a sudden music went right out of my life.
if you are a composer, you think in music. you hear snips and notes and phrases just as you go along in your day. you think in songs. you have a song for unloading the dishwasher, or because it's cold out.
and then one day music was gone from me.
i didn't sing, didn't play, didn't think in music, didn't hear it in my mind, and didn't even care to listen to it.
but recently two things happened. i acquired a young (to me) friend who is a very skilled musician. and you know how you do with new friends: you share the things you have in common.
and i found myself saying "i used to be a musician." and i wanted to share my work, to show who i used to be. and music was less foreign.
but then i fell in love.
and i am still not ready to talk to you about that, but all of a sudden i wanted to bring out all of my work, the good and the bad and say "this is who i was, who i AM", and i wanted suddenly to play music and listen to it and make mixtapes (even though you don't put them on tape any more) because i used to think in music and i used to express love through music and without music i did not have my whole toolset.
so music and i are not quite at home again, but we are having a renewed acquaintance.
and i was looking through my files and i found this song, in two versions. they are strikingly different, i think.
back in december some of my little internet friends were talking about cool sciencey things and i was also in the middle of a candymaking frenzy and somebody or other came across some recipes for candies that fluoresce under blacklight and i thought i'd try my hand at it.
the key is that quinine fluoresces under blacklight, so tonic water does, too.
and if you make your candy with enough tonic water in it, it will also flouresce.
it's hard to cook it to the point that it will be solid without the sugar caramelizing a little too dark to make the glowy effect dim, but look at these. don't they have the most fantastic golden color?