still breathing

i'm still standing, still drawing breath. but it was close; about eighteen inches close. i don't know really how i was saved, but i know that Barbara was there and rumblestrip was there and my heart softened and and i came down.

they wanted me to come in before that and after that, but i wasn't going, not before Easter.

monday following Easter and i went in for ECT and they found me strangely treatment compliant. i went straight from there up to shep 6, which is where they keep the involuntaries. i'm voluntary myself, but they're full up on shep 3 and to tell you the truth it's not that far from here to there.

i'm having a really bad day; every time i think about it i cry. but i got some reading done. i finished Watership Down, which i was reading because rumblestrip likes it. there's another book rumblestrip lent me as well.

and i finished up reading acts and i started reading Small Gods, which my sister thought i should read the last time i was in. my sister has an ironic sense of humor.

there are a couple of things Barbara lent me, and i spent some time marking up my hymnals, preparing for sunday under the assumption they're going to let me out on pass to go to church.

tomorrow i have ECT, which wipes me out and is destroying my memory, not that anyone would want to remember my life lately. and you should see the collection of bruises i have from the IVs.

i can't light a candle here when i go to my evening prayer as is my habit, so i will appreciate it very much if you will all take over for me while i'm here.

i'll let you know how it goes.