standing in the need of prayer

tomorrow is the coyote hill classic; it just happens to be the vermont state championship. i just happen to be the defending champion, so i feel obliged to show up and defend.

find your own darn links.

the reason i am the defending champion is because last year i was the only qualified applicant; there were no other vermont residents in the middle aged women's sport class.

and it was a horror show, too. five minutes before the sport class start the sky opened up and it poured. the trails are technical enough when they're dry; roots and rocks do not become easier to navigate when they are moist.

anyway, if you're following the story, you know that i've been sick for a long time. you know that i have been in for ECT and that it's making me tired and wiping out my memory.

if you're paying attention enough, you also know that i always carry a coin that rumblestrip gave me; it reminds me to have courage or at least to ask for it in my prayers.

tomorrow i will need courage and strength, balance and stamina. i'd be lying if i told you that i truly don't care about the race result, but i am not hopeful of being this year's champion. still, there's the possibility of another attendance anomaly.

more than anything, though, i want to finish the blasted thing. it's a challenging six mile loop and i have to do it twice. i hope above all things that when i come unbiked i will not go over the bars. there's no good way to endo. once i went over the bars at a speed slightly in excess of thirty-one miles an hour. i probably should not have to tell you that it was painful.

so i hope that when i fall tomorrow (and you will notice my use of the word "when") that i will fall sideways onto a soft landing.

i know that some of you pray for me; i will appreciate very much your prayers tomorrow. i'll be wearing the green uniform, riding an aggressive-looking red full-suspension bike (the rocky mountain ETSX-30, in case you care).

if you've ever been on relatively new hiking trails, you have an idea of what the course looks like. roots and rocks. loose dirt. trail kind of narrow. easy to hook a bar or catch a pedal.

i'd like it very much if you could see me strong and balanced, fast and smooth.i had quite a few words with bob about it today and i think it helps. i rode some things i would normally be afraid of. and got off and walked some places i would normally be stupid enough to try to ride.

i'd ask you to wish me luck, but i hope to create something better; i hope to be carried in bob's Own Hand.

this evening i went to Mass at st. denis in hanover. it was beautiful and i was struck by how much i have not been good or trusting or obedient, how much i have not listened to bob's voice, even when i was being Spoken To in no uncertain terms. i have fought what help i was given.

maybe tomorrow i'll be ready. it's late and i have to take a shower and have a few words with bob. i will ask for courage and strength and balance. not just for a couple hours tomorrow.

i want to get better.