mmmm, spam.

among my hobbies are taking things literally and rummaging through my inbox for spam i can pick apart to see what fascinating techniques are being used these days by greedy predators against stupid greedy people.

making the rounds today is an interesting thing that purports to be from UPS.

Dear Customer,
This email is coming to you as a reminder concerning your pending package that has been with us for a long time.  As you already know that this package is containing an AUTOMATIC TELLER MACHINE CARD (ATM CARD) in your name and in the amount of $2.5 million USD.
United Parcel Service (UPS) wish to let you know that our delivery team has finally carried out delivery of your package though having problems with your availability on pickup which we assume that the address is not correct. The package was shipped from Nigeria and since on the 01/31/2013 it has been in Pine Bluff, AR, United States on transit awaiting clearance of location.
To track your package, go to www.ups.com and insert the tracking number below to view delivery status.
WWW.UPS.COMTRACKING NUMBER: 1Z9575R2P297341747
On the tracking page you will see that this package has been in our route for six months which led to our contacting you for proper identification of your address. This is because you have refused to give us your cooperation. You are hereby advice to provide us with the below details so we can immediately have it sent out to our deliverymen in Arkansas to complete your delivery to the current address you may provide now.
YOUR NAME (IN FULL):_YOUR DELIVERY ADDRESS: _YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER:_
Upon receiving your correct details, we will immediately notify our regional depot and the Airport Authorities in USA so that the package will be redirected to your correct address immediately. This is important and as such your immediate response will do you good.
You can also email our dispatch office at mrusifo@ups.de.vc (link removed. you should not click on links found in spam.)
Management,Mr. Michael Usifoh(c)UPS Online Management Team.All rights reserved.(c) 1995-2012

ok, to start with, if you go to the UPS site and enter that tracking number, you get a legitimate package sitting in arkansas. so of course you think:

wow. why have i so far refused to cooperate in giving my name and address and phone number to these people when clearly there is a legitimate shipment of that 2.5 MILLION DOLLARS THAT SO OBVIOUSLY BELONGS TO ME?

because, you know, not only do i HAVE an extra 2.5 million dollars, but i and my bank have no way to transport it around the globe other than sticking it onto a bank card that can be lost in delivery and clearly my address is simply misplaced.

you know, because it is perfectly reasonable for an entity sending me 2.5 million dollars not to have oh, say, written my address down in more than one location. aaaaaand also not have heard of wire transfers.

points to the hatwipes for apparently sending themselves an undeliverable package so that they can use the UPS tracking page to look legitimate, but really.

if you are actually looking on the UPS site to see where your package with the 2.5 million dollars is, you kind of deserve what's coming.

in the meantime, here is what UPS says.

Response

Thank you for forwarding this information to us. The e-mail you received is not a legitimate UPS communication. We are aware that individuals may inappropriately use the UPS name or its services to perpetuate fraudulent activities. We appreciate you alerting us to this latest incident. If you are ever concerned about the authenticity of an e-mail referencing UPS, do not click on any links provided. Open a new Web browser, type www.ups.cominto your browser address field, and either log in to your Internet shipping account from this page - or use the "search" feature located at the top of the page to access the information you need. You may also verify its authenticity by forwarding it to fraud@ups.com. While UPS is not liable for the actions of third parties, we are working to prevent and detect fraud where possible. For more information on protecting yourself from fraud, see our Web site at www.ups.com/fraudprotection. Thank you again for bringing this matter to our attention. UPS Fraud Mitigation Corporate Security fraud@ups.com the package is still out there, though.