nearly every blogging engine has some kind of random button you can press and voilà, you are reading a random blog, although i think maybe it isn't entirely a random blog, but based on some kind of algorithm that considers where you were when you started, but that's not where i was going with this post (oooh, look, a SQUIRREL!)
anyway, i was thinking about all the blogs i look at once and never return to and thought maybe i'd do a little piece on those. in preparation i spent an hour or two hitting "random" buttons and taking notes.
so, gentle, reader, here are the blog characteristics that will make me click through faster than the preacher's kid leaves the party when the sheriff shows up.
- your formatting hurts my eyes. i won't bother to look for content i like here. i don't care how clever you are, or how deep your thoughts are. it really is that simple.
- your page is not written in any language i understand. i don't insist on english, especially in photo captions where i can make do in several languages, but if you aren't writing in a language i understand, you don't care if i read it, anyway.
- you are using the blog as the home page for your business. fine. i have no objection to it, but unless you also provide some entertaining content or unless it's a business i'm interested in, i won't be reading it. i realize that for you it's a smart business choice in terms of a free web presence, but it's just a bad fit for me as an entertainment source. best of luck to you, though.
- your blog is so cluttered with gadgets that you have no room for any content.
- your blog is nothing more than a regurgitation of cute things you saw at someone else's blog.
- you haven't updated your blog since 2009, and that was only to mention that you're amazed that you still get hits, since you hadn't written anything since 2007.
- your blog is made only of pictures, and none of them are labeled, captioned, or explained in any way. they are also not very interesting pictures.
- your blog contains the words "please vote for this (whatever) every day".
- i scroll down the page a LONG time, i mean a really, really LONG time and i can't figure out what you're on about. is that your band? your favorite band? your brother's wedding? some guys from school? some random pictures? i think you want me to think something about it is awesome, but i just don't get it. can you give me some more information? any information? what's this post about? i keep scrolling, but i don't get any more information out of any other posts. at this point i'm only looking to try to figure out because i know i'm going to be writing about it later in the day and i want to be sure that you're as totally opaque as you appear to be at first glance. in you case, i guess, the blog is about not communicating anything, not even a mood. i'm just guessing about the awesome thing.
- your blog wants me to know NOW, NOW, NOW some amazing facts i need to know about Jesus. let me tell you, pal, if i need to know those things about Jesus that quick, your blog is not going to be His chosen venue.
- your blog is one more cookie-cutter cute craft mommie blog about your perfect beautiful kids and your perfect hubby that you "wuv" so much and the great bounty of the Lord and all that because while i believe you love your husband and kids and God and all that and that you like crafts there are a lot of people out there writing about it more genuinely than you and by the time it gets to you it's old news anyway so you might as well bring to the table what you bring to the table, which is you, yourself, unvarnished, the way you are.
- your blog is full of this week's internet meme.
- your blog is mostly made up of social media buttons. if you have nothing to say here, why would i follow you anywhere else?
- your blog has auto-play music.