now it can be told

so year before last i was sitting up on my campsite and i was making mb that cute little ball in a cage i told you about and i was talking to her and i said i was making her something and she asked what and instead of just saying it was going to be a surprise, i put on my smartass hat and said "a handcarved artisanal applewood dildo"

and she said "oh, that's nice"

and i was all, like hey. THAT'S not how that conversation was supposed to have gone.

so i was telling my friends about it and they all said "now you HAVE to make her one" and it sort of became a running joke, the handcarved artisanal applewood mystery item.

weirdly, the shape is more complicated than you might think.

and of course because i am who i am, i couldn't just whip off a slapdash one as the punchline to the joke.

oh, no. i had to make a beautiful one, with a waterproof food-grade finish.

so after i carved it, i had to rub oil into it every day for some weeks.


all of this had high comedic value.