i'm doing it.

over a year ago they put up a teeter-totter next to the parking lot at catamount.

i have been looking at that thing all this while knowing i can do it, but too afraid do do it.

it's not that hard. you ride your bike up the giant ramp and after you cross the center, it pivots down and you ride it down.

and i have ridden up to it and turned away. i have stared at it from across the lot. i have thought, over and over: i am going to do this.

and i haven't.

i have been having a hard week, coming apart faster than i can put myself back together.

and today in the shop i asked shopgirl (who has a real name that i know) "what's it like?"

and she told me. she is a coach and teacher. she knows how to tell you things.

and i went for my ride and came in and when i got back to the parking i rode up to it and then veered off at the last minute, before i was committed to going up the huge ramp, because once you're on the huge ramp, you have to go through with it.

and then i came beside it, tested the feel of it by pressing down with my hands.

and i went around for another approach and somehow didn't veer off again and i said out loud "i'm going to do it.", which was less a cry of determination and more a realization that at this point i couldn't NOT do it, not even if i wanted to, not without some possibility of serious injury, and i got over the fulcrum, expecting it to tip down and let me ride off, but it didn't tip down, not soon enough for me and i was running out of board before i dropped to the ground

...and it tipped.

a lot faster than i expected it to.

and suddenly i was not riding up a thing five feet in the air, i was riding down a thing that was smooth and a foot and a half high, a thing i do all the time.

i will not pretend i did it smoothly.

i will not pretend i did not scream loud enough for them to hear me across the road.

but i did it.

i went up and over.

it scared the hell out of me.


and i did it.

it's about two feet high at the fulcrum.