Sunday, November 10, 2013

open letter to that boy who asked me on a date back in 1980

dear boy who asked me out on a date in 1980,

i know you went to the trouble of asking me out and everything and i don't know if you'd actually bought tickets to a concert by a band i'd actually heard of or if you were just going to buy them, but pretty soon after i said i'd go i called you and said i wasn't going to.

i don't know if you were heartbroken or not.

from where i'm sitting now i know that probably it was no small thing for you to call and ask me on that date, in terms of resources and courage.

and vulnerability!

i didn't break the date because i liked someone better. i didn't break it because you weren't cool enough.

i broke it because i was flat-out terrified.

going on a real date with a real boy who has purchased real tickets for something is kind of a big deal the first time you do it and it's not like a school dance, not even a fancy school dance and it's not like the sort of date where a boy takes you to a thing that a group of your friends might have gone to anyway.

i was so scared because it was so foreign that i totally did not know what to do and THAT'S why i cancelled.

i do not know if this makes a difference to you, but to this day i still have not gone on the kind of date where someone who wants to get to know you better calls you up and says "i have tickets to a thing- will you go with me?"

i think our paths have crossed since then; i think i did not recognize you when i saw you more recently, which i would like to blame on brain damage.

you have a wife and kids as old as we were then and you have a house a few towns over from where i live and we have friends in common, so i guess you turned out ok.

i'm sorry about that date. i hope someday it will come up in conversation and i'll get to tell you that it was because i was scared and not because you weren't cool enough. the 1980 version of you would probably appreciate knowing.



Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

cute story flask!

Karen said...

That is so sweet! I hope you two do meet up and recognize one another and have a nice friendly chat, or that he somehow finds your post and knows.
(ps- my second comment tonight and a new reader, I know. I clicked upon your comment ID on RRSAHM! :-)

flask said...

hi karen! i'm happy to see you here. yes, thanks for telling me how you got here, because what i know is that it has more readers than commenters, and nearly nobody i know in real life reads it, so usually the commenters just come out of the blue and i wonder: huh? who IS this person? and how did they end up here?

about that boy- i don't see him often but i do sometimes see him. a couple of days ago we exchanged emails about a game we both play.

the topic of the date somehow just never comes up.


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