yesterday wasn't such a good day.
short version: i went nuts and cried for hours. if you've never been inside a mental hospital, you have probably never see this kind of thing. i wish that was a joke. can't breathe, can't speak, can't move. just hours and hours of shuddering, screaming crying and no real reason for it.
somewhere in the middle of that, i was thinking that what would really make me feel better would be to smash things, to put a fist through my front window. but i anthropomorphize, see? and it seems to me that it would be bad to do that because the window would be sad.
no freaking sane person thinks it's a bad idea to smash a window because the window would be sad, but no. i'm not a freaking sane person. i'm psychotic. and i can piece together that it's a bad idea to smash the window, so then obviously the only thing to do is take that really big rock over there and smash myself in the head with it.
you know, because clearly there are only two choices.
sometimes i wish i were just a little crazier, because maybe then i'd be just a little less self-aware.
it's a nice thought.
today i woke up and decided to make ginger ale and ice cream. yes, real brewed ginger ale and real cream-and-sugar ice cream. i have written about the ginger ale from the first time i made it, but today i decided to substitute grade b maple syrup for some of the sugar.
i am just learning to make ice cream and of course i can't just get a recipe and make it. oh, no. i have to experiment.
so far it's awesome. the first time i made honey-lavender-rose and last week i made pumpkin and then i thought that today a nice cheesecake flavor ought to go nicely with the pumpkin in a little sampler dish.
i'm still not all that stable, but at least i'm not psychotic.