Saturday, October 05, 2013

murderous walnuts

if you are in the finger lakes in autumn, you should wear a helmet.

i am serious about this. walnut trees grow all tall and stuff and they just sit there placidly waiting until you pass by or if there's a light breeze or if they just feel like it and they start dropping nuts which are, by the way, HUGE and when they drop on your head it will SMART.

if they drop next to you, it will scare you, because hard heavy things dropping out of the sky for no particular reason makes a noise and if you're all alone and minding your own business, you will jump.

i think the walnut trees laugh.


3 comments:

Kristin @ Going Country said...

Yup. And if you happen to have two ENORMOUS, ancient black walnut trees growing right over your house, you will spend windy days listening to the walnuts bounce off the shed roof, and they sound just like gun shots. It's a little unnerving.

Plus, picking up all those walnuts from the paths, lawns, and flower gardens is a huge pain in the ass. And in the back.

GDad said...

I read about a short story where toxic waste mutated walnuts into brains for walnut trees, which became malevolent. Our Heroes tried to undo the damage, but it was undone naturally when the walnuts fell off and the trees became stupid again.

flask said...

wait, wait...

you read a story like that? an actual story? where can this thing be found?

you're not pulling my leg, are you? because i wouldn't put it past you.

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